A Letter From Mommy

I have been debating sharing this letter on this blog, but decided to after all. This page is dedicated to our journey after our loss and this letter to Faith is very much a part of my journey.

My sweet baby Faith,

Today is your due date. The day we were so very anxious about since seeing those two pink lines in March. Sometime this week we were supposed set our eyes on you for the first time, to see who you looked the most like, and find out if you were a boy or a girl. We were supposed to hear your cry, to give you a name, to hold you, hug you, and smother you with kisses. Instead of all of those things, I’m thinking about who could have been, what your laugh would have sounded like, if you miss us, and if you feel my kisses and hugs every night.

I think about how our life would have been different with you in it. It hardly seems fair for me to tell you these things because I know you wanted to be here with us, not watching from Heaven. You would have filled our lives with laughter, joy and I’m sure many sleepless nights. I know you would have loved to watch your daddy play with Carly and Lucy and the funny noises they make. I’m sure you would have loved to pull on Lucy’s big Bassett ears and snuggle with both of them on the couch. They would have covered you with their sweet doggy kisses and protected you like you have been here all along.

I will always wish so many things were different for our family, but I know I could never have changed the fact that you were always meant to be an angel. We were given only moments to live our lives together, now we have to live the rest of our lives without you. I am still learning how to do this every day, but I know I am being guided by the strength you have given me and continue to give me.

Because of you, I became a mother. My arms may be empty, but my heart is full of the love I have for you. You are and will always be our first born. You will never be forgotten, you will always be missed. It’s true that this week we were supposed to bring you home, but home is exactly where you are, where you were always meant to be, and where we’ll meet again.

Forever missing you,
Mommy